Who Sends What: A Guide to Funeral Flowers by Relationship

When someone dies, most people want to send flowers and then get stuck on the same question: What is appropriate to send?

In general, you want to send anything that you feel comfortable sending but if you need some suggestions, here are some typical conventions you can follow. 

Immediate family

The flowers that rest on the casket traditionally come from the immediate family — spouse, children, parents, siblings. This is the casket blanket or casket spray, the piece that sits on the casket itself.

Because it is the centerpiece of the service, this is worth calling us about rather than ordering online. Sizing depends on whether the casket will be open or closed, and that is a detail worth getting right the first time.

For a cremation service, the equivalent is a piece designed to sit alongside the urn.

Grandchildren, in-laws, and extended family

Standing sprays and wreaths are the traditional choice here — pieces displayed on an easel near the casket or urn. They are visible, they are substantial, and they are often sent jointly: one piece from all the grandchildren, or from a whole branch of the family.

If you are coordinating with relatives, one larger piece together usually looks better in the room than several small ones scattered around it.

Friends, neighbors, and coworkers

A basket or vase arrangement is the standard here, and it is always appropriate. You do not need to have been close to send one. Showing up in this small way is the entire point.

These are the pieces that fill a room and make it feel tended to, and they are what most people send.

Sending as a group

Offices, teams, congregations, and clubs usually send one piece together with a single card listing the group. If you are the one organizing it, a standing piece or a generous basket reads better in the room than a small arrangement, and one card with everyone's name on it means more to the family than a stack of separate ones.

When you are not sure you are close enough

Send something. Families remember who showed up, and no one has ever been offended by flowers arriving.

If you are genuinely on the edge — a coworker you did not know well, a friend's parent you met twice — a modest arrangement, or a plant sent to the home rather than the service, is a gentle way to acknowledge it without overstepping.

After the service

The days after a funeral are quieter and often harder than the funeral itself. A plant or a living arrangement sent to the home a week or two later frequently lands more meaningfully than anything sent during the service, when the house is already full of flowers and people.

This is also the right choice if you missed the service, or if the family asked for no flowers at the funeral itself.

Questions on timing?

For a service, flowers need to arrive before it begins. We coordinate directly with funeral homes across the North Shore and deliver in our own vehicles, so we can usually work to the schedule if you call us. For the home, any time in the weeks afterward is right.

If the family has asked for donations in lieu of flowers, honor that. A card now, or a plant sent to the home later, is still welcome.

If you are still not sure

Call us at (978) 531-0047. Tell us who died, your relationship to them, and where the service is being held. We do this every week, and we will tell you honestly what is appropriate — including the times when the answer is something simpler than you expected.

You may also want our guide to buying funeral flowers, or you can browse our sympathy arrangements.